Sonichu

From The Bad Webcomics Wiki
Jump to: navigation, search

EMERGENCY ACTION NOTIFICATION

Nuke Review.png This comic is an atomic bomb. It will destroy anything and anybody that touches, reads, or looks at it. This comic is an example of the downfall of human civilization, leaving a trail of nothing but destruction, deformed mutations and cancer in its wake. Pray you, avoid it. Nuke Review.png
GiantDouche.jpg WARNING: The creator of this webcomic is a giant douche, even by internet standards. Their behavior may include, but is not limited to: Rampant displays of racism, sexism, homophobia and/or other forms of bigotry and douchebaggery. May spew invective at critics and fans alike. Avoid real-life interaction as much as possible.


Original review author(s): oddguy
Webcomic Name: Sonichu
Author: Christian Weston "Ricardo" Chandler, AKA "Chris-chan", AKA "C.W.C"
Start Date: November 24, 2004, was the date he began drawing the cover of issue 0, although it's unclear when he actually began drawing "Sonichu" comics. Probably sometime in High School.
End Date: On hiatus since May 27, 2010, due to trolls ruining his "inspiration", or possibly because making the webcomic is too much work (he is unemployed and drawing a page takes him an hour). It's back. Run for your lives.
Genre: "Adventure"
Defining Flaw: Literally everything

Rating Summary
Art: Sonichu-art-review.jpg
They say autistic people are supposed to be artistically inclined, but I see no evidence of that here. I could draw better than this in the fourth grade, if not sooner.
Storyline: Sonichu-storyline-review.jpg
Most insane crap you will ever read. And yet, not even remotely entertaining.
Characters: Sonichu-characters-review.png
All the heroes are Mary-Sue Sonic recolors, all the heroines are objects that can talk and only exist to serve as someone's love interest. All the villains are demonized versions of people the creator knows in real life with their actual motivations replaced with: "they hate autistic people and want to stop Chris from finding love".
Miscellaneous Details: Sonichu-misc-details-review.jpg
I wouldn't even know where to start.
Overall: Hurtsoul.jpg
Never in your life will you find something quite as bad and deranged as this. You have my guarantee.



Background

Bad web spoiler v3.png
Warning: This comic is so bad it's good
This comic is so fucking stupid it's actually fun to read. Decide on your own if you want to read the review and ruin the surprise.
Sonichu.jpg

Take Tim Buckley's attitude, Tom Preston's "commitment" to criticism, JDR's insanity, Bleedman's love of plagiarism, Jay Naylor's political views, and Dave Hopkins' art skills. Now multiply all those things by a million and you will have Christian Weston Chandler's The Adventures of Sonichu And Rosechu, or as it's also known, Sonichu. Without a doubt THE WORST WEBCOMIC EVER. Now, some of you may be thinking, "oh, that's just your opinion," but I assure you, it is a fact.

Before I even start, I think a few preemptive clarifications and apologies are in order. Firstly, I regret to admit that this will not be a comprehensive review. This is simply because addressing every single flaw in this comic and every single public spectacle caused by its creator is an insurmountable task. Even adding links for everything that is mentioned in this article to the corresponding page is a bit too much. At the moment "Chris-chan" has one of the longest and most convoluted articles ever written on Encyclopedia Dramatica, and there are two entire wikis dedicated to Christian and his comic. The "CWCki" contains over 1,300 articles and grows continuously, and the now defunct but still archived "CWCpedia" contains an additional 899 articles. There's also a third (now deleted) wiki that dealt solely with Asperchu and the other numerous Sonichu parodies that once ran rampant and flooded the net and had another 620 articles. Simply listing everything there is to say about the comic and the man who made it without even going into detail about it would still result in an article at least twice as long as anything else on BWW. So, I would just like to apologize that, unlike other reviews where we attempt to address everything, with Sonichu, I humbly admit that this can not be done. It is impossible to keep up with everything CWC does, let alone catalog it all in a single page.

My second apology is that, as you can tell from this intro, this review will run a bit long (and it will be picture-heavy because this stuff is just too funny). Like I explained, although I can never mention everything there is to say about this topic, there is still A LOT to discuss. I will try to shorten it as much as I can, but this comic deserves a review as long as it gets. And the last thing I would like to say I am sorry for is the untimely fashion in which this review has been presented. A Sonichu review is LONG overdue. This thing is the worst webcomic in history. It may be the worst piece of art ever made. It goes beyond having no value or merit to the point that it actually does damage to its readers. Reading this thing may very well make you dumber. I regret a review for it was not made sooner when the comic was more relevant. Its thread has been laying dormant since 2009, and even though I know Chris no longer makes as much of a scene when he is insulted online, I still write this review with an almost perverse glee at the thought that he may discover this review and blow yet another shit fit over it.

So buckle up, get your puke bucket, and get ready to enter the magical world of Sonichu.

Why even review this?

Sonichumedallion.jpg

When this comic was brought up on the BWW forums, one of the questions that arose was, "why bother?" This comic is widely regarded as the worst comic ever made. Everything there is to say about it has already been said. All of its flaws are apparent at first glance, so there is really nothing to review. Furthermore, its creator is autistic, so there's no reason to think any criticism will inspire him to improve, and indeed, it hasn't. So why bother even writing a review for something everyone already knows is bad?

Except for the last point that I will address later in the "Author Biography" section, I would like to explain why I still went ahead and made a review for this thing.

It's simple: Because no one has ever reviewed this comic. Everything to say about this comic has been said. However, despite it being the most infamously bad webcomic ever to reach the internet, no noteworthy webcomic review site has ever written an article about it. As a person who chooses to document this part of internet culture, and I am speaking not only for the people who write articles for this website, but anyone who has picked up the gauntlet of webcomic reviews (bad or otherwise), and attempt to fill the void left by John Solomon. It is remiss of us to overlook this comic. Everyone and their dog has already said their piece regarding Chris-chan, yet we, the ones who should have been first to approach this, have ignored this literally for years. Us overlooking Sonichu would be like a chef refusing to use salt. Not having it reviewed on this website is like composing a list of history's greatest thinkers and leaving out Einstein.

So I know that I am stating the obvious. I know that I am scratching the bottom of the barrel. I know that there's no need to tell anyone this comic is bad. Still, it needs to have an article on this website. Not because I need to convince anyone that it's bad, but simply because it needs an article.

Downfall

I would like to simply say that this comic was bad from the very beginning, and there is no comic for which this is more true, but that would be taking the easy way out. To be more precise, there are two instances where the comic's quality takes a nose dive like a drunk Olympic swimmer flying a malfunctioning airplane with one wing missing.

The first comes around issue two, episode seven, where the focus shifts from the comic's titular character "Sonichu" to Chris-Chan's Mary-Sue self-insert. From then on, the comic becomes a series of deranged payback stories about people who Christian thinks wronged him (most of whom were just doing their jobs), and desperate pleas for sex by way of ham-handed and obvious additions of girls he was interested in (70% trolls, 30% girls who found him repulsive) into the comic. Not to say that those things are not what the comic has always been about, but once the camera swayed away from Sonichu and onto Chris, it became more and more obscene and self-indulgent.

The second part where the comic cranks the crazy up to 11 is near the end. As the comic was winding down to its inevitable demise, Chris began to become more and more unhinged as a result of constant trolling, and around issue ten, it descended into full-on lunacy. The last two chapters focused almost exclusively on Chandler's epic journey where he brutally murders all his tormentors alongside countless innocent civilians. Most of the last few chapters read like a poorly drawn propaganda pamphlet advocating an anti-gay genocide, as well as a semi-separate one for internet trolls. I say "semi-separate" because, in Chris' mind, all trolls are homosexuals and, therefore, evil (I'm not making this up).

In other words, this comic begins at a lower starting point than any other and continues to deteriorate in congruence with its author's mental health.

Story and Plot

RainbowChris.jpg

This story is the most deranged thing you will ever read. The most amazing thing about it is that there actually is any plot at all. Of course, it does not make a single bit of sense and has so many plot holes that you could paint it yellow and call it SpongeBob, but the fact that there is actually some kind of continuity between chapters is a shock in itself that I could barely recover from. There's some kind of prophecy, people trying to get their hands on Sonichu's balls the "Sonichu Balls", some characters disappear and cannot rejoin the plot until they are saved from wherever they are stuck, and everything winds down to a "climactic" final battle where Chris and Sonichu finally get the balls, evolve into their ultimate forms, and go fight all their enemies that have joined into one group to destroy CWCville. The fact Chris is able to remember plot points from past episodes is something I still can't get over.

Here is a short summary of as of the story that was relevant to the plot and did not veer off into a psychotic tangent:

"Sonichu" is about a fictional city (whether Chris realizes this place is not real is actually still up for debate) called CWCville (pronounced "Quickville" somehow...) and founded by Chris-chan's father (who named it after his son who he had not yet conceived) where Chris is the mayor (because that position is handed from father to son with no need for an election). When Sonic the Hedgehog fights a monster on the outskirts of town, he crashes into a Pikachu and it becomes a totally new and "original" character called "Sonichu". This also somehow makes Chris his father. The crash also creates a magical rainbow that sends out eggs all over Virginia, the moon, and the past for some reason, that hatch more Sonic recolors original characters.

That is the set up. The plot is more about Chris himself. It follows his romantic misadventures with girls he knows in real life but whom are only interested in him in the comic and avoid him in real life, and his dealing with pretty much anyone who has ever caused him any kind of perceived injustice. This includes a shop owner who banned him from his store for harassing black children and pretending they stole from him, security guards who threw him out of a number of shops and malls for soliciting sex and harassing young girls, an old school dean who kicked him out of school for soliciting sex, ALL MEN EVER for making it hard for him to find a girlfriend, internet trolls, all homosexuals, all asexuals, and anyone else he finds guilty for his own misfortune and mistakes. In the comic, his actions are portrayed in a far more heroic manner. In Sonichu, all these people are after Chris because they don't want him to lose his virginity, or just hate autistics, and all have magical super powers, as does Chris. Every conflict devolves into a massive superhero fight in which Chris wins and deals out disproportionately cruel punishments to anyone who stands in his way. You know, the way he never could in real life.

The setting of "CWCvile" is even more ridiculous. Know Your Meme describes it as a totalitarian communist state, while TV Tropes says it's more along the lines of an Orwellian nightmare. I interpret it as a crumbling pseudo-religious dictatorship. If you look, you will see that all the elements are there: a megalomaniacal leader that has inherited his power from his father and has passed on all his administrative duties to his employees (his secretary in the comic does all the work), set up his office at the top of the mall which he cannot enter due to rebel forces (he literally can't get into his own office in his own comic), and is backed by his squad of super powered goons who are, by his decree, above the law and may slaughter all his opponents. There is only one government-sponsored radio station that plays 24/7 pro-Chris propaganda, all of Chris' opposition are demonized in the press, and in the comic itself, and are either killed or executed after mock trials. All citizens are constantly monitored by the secret police (Magi-Chan) in all aspects, including sexual activity (gay sex is not allowed in CWCville), and all tobacco and alcohol is forbidden.

All of this is just the beginning. I wrote three paragraphs without even getting into any of the actual plot points. Like Chris' search for a "boyfriend-free girl", God and Jesus (or "GodJesus" as Chris once called them) descending from the heavens to tell some girl Chris hardly knew she should be his girlfriend, Chris making himself an imaginary twin sister, CHRIS GETTING MAGICAL SONICHU SUPER POWERS FROM HIS NATIVE AMERICAN ANCESTORS, etc.

You want more crazy shit? Read the comic. Or don't.

... Yeah, don't.

Art review

GoKickHisAss.jpg

The art looks like Chris drew it without using his hands. He was once quoted saying that it takes him an hour to make one page, and he uses pencils, sharpies, and crayons. In a normal comic, I would have to pick and choose what is the best panel to use for me to showcase the flaws in the art, but in this one, I don't even know where to start. I am just going to pick a page at random.

Let's see... issue 9, page 82...

Oh my! It's a doozy!

In this one, the guy in the upper left corner is Ian Brandon Anderson, which in real life was the name trolls called the real Chris when someone else impersonated him for a while, despite not looking anything like him. This was still more than enough to make Chris rage. In the comic, Ian has just been murdered by Sonichu, and is being taken to Hell by devil trolls as punishment for not being nice to Chris, after which Sonichu is confronted by Dr. Ivo Robotnik, Giovanni from Pokémon, and his son, who are holding Rosechu hostage with the help of a Decepticon.

BEST FUCKING MALL EVER!!!!

But enough about what's going on and onto the art. What is there to say? You have eyes, don't you? You see it. None of the characters look like who they are supposed to be, nothing is consistent, the background has a habit of disappearing without explanation (as well as characters' entire bodies whenever Chris gets too lazy, leaving them with nothing but a floating head), and Eggman's nose looks like a penis. The art fits the story like a shit encrusted glove. If you pay attention, you will also notice that "Rosechu" is a dead ringer for Amy Rose. At one point in the comic, they meet and it is impossible to tell who is who.

Oh, and did you know that Chris also has a degree in "Computer-Aided Drafting and Design"? What have you done with your life?! But spending six years getting this degree (it was a two year course) still did not seem to help him at all. Not even a fully sentient super computer from the future like HAL 9000 could help Chris with his drafting and design. Even more hilariously, whenever someone makes a parody of his comic, he criticizes it on the quality of its art, claiming it is not as good as his.

Writing review

"Go Magi! Go out into thw world!"

There is a typo on the very first page. "Our story begins in a open field five mies from the city of Station Square" and all text is written in ALL CAPS Comic Sans. That's not enough? I think that says it all.

Fine. Read on.

First, the characters. I grow tired of how often I have to say this but: there are no characters in Sonichu, not really. I read somewhere that Sonichu has 136 characters, yet not a single one of them has a personality. They are all a bunch of identical Sonic recolor Mary-Sues, with their leader "Sonichu" being the penultimate Mary-Sue. He is second only to Chris-chan himself, who in the comic possesses all the powers of all his characters (making them obsolete), alongside his own powers, which only grow stronger when he transforms into "Chris-Chan Sonichu" and then again at some point into "Colossus Sonichu" which literally gives him unlimited godlike powers that allow him to warp reality as he sees fit and causes the cast to momentarily consider worshiping him as if he was a god. He declines this offer (well, he writes the story so actually he made that offer to himself) although it seems pretty obvious that he thinks his characters (again, there is a possibility he thinks they are real) should worship him, and only declines because it may be blasphemous. Yes, Chris is very religious despite not understanding the Bible at all, and possibly not fully understanding who Jesus even is. But getting back to the point, the irony in this story is amazing because it actually expects us to root for Chris. In most Mary-Sue comics, the protagonist is impossibly virtuous while the villains are laughably evil. And Chris must think that this is also the case with his own comic (not understanding that even this would be very flawed writing), but in reality the comic shows him going around committing all kinds of atrocities like killing, maiming, and attempting to break up relationships for his own selfish reasons, and the villains seem like heroes trying to stop him.

"Sonichu punches MACH PUNCHES an old lady"

The comic is an insane revenge fantasy to end all insane revenge fantasies. What's more, this is all only compounded by the fact it makes no goddamn sense! Chris poorly attempts to present his horrible actions favorably by morphing them into even more horrible ones, and all the while confusing the audience further by hinting, nay, screaming at them that he is the hero of this story. Mix that with the fact this comic follows no logic and you get something so nonsensical that it makes your eyes cross (time travel arcs and retcons don't help either) and the result is a mix of unintentionally hilarious and mindbogglingly stupid.

Going into detail about every kind of flaw this comic's writing has would take two eternities. So instead I give you

ODDGUY'S TOP 15 MOST INSANE MOMENTS IN SONICHU.

15. The "Anchuent" Prophesy.

Some of you may wonder where Chris gets his super powers in the comic. Surprisingly, this is actually explained. Unsurprisingly, the explanation is retarded. In the comic he comes across a cave guarded by... some guy... who tells him that he is the chosen one from the ancient Anchuent prophecy foretold by the Cherokee Indians, and gives him his magic Sonichu medallion (that Chris wears in real life... ALL THE TIME!) that allows him to transform into "Chris-Chan Sonichu". But it doesn't end there; Chris' Native American ancestor also gives power to his wife's descendant, who just happens to be some childhood friend of Chris, who has been avoiding him for years after she grew up and he remained at the mental age he was when they met each other in preschool. And finally, he also gives powers to the future relative of his mortal enemy from the opposing Native American clan. Who were the Cherokee's historical rivals? Why, the "Wasabi Clan" of course! And who is their leader's living next of kin? That girl's boyfriend, against whom Chris holds a grudge for letting her sit on his lap in front of him...

In the comic the girl fights her evil boyfriend and punishes him for hurting Chris' feelings. In reality, she has long ago cut all connections from Chris for being creepy and obsessive about her (probably only because he thought she might eventually sleep with him) and didn't give a shit about his feelings.

To give a little extra context, this friend of Chris' was the whole reason the Sonichu comics were even written. Sonichu, Rosechu and Blachu (a derivative of Shadow the Hedgehog, because of course) were the original stand-ins for Chris, the girl, and her boyfriend. Though he failed to impress her, he quickly found a new female friend and re-purposed the comic to document his so-called "love quest."

14. Wedding Bust.

This saga continued when Chris found out this girl is getting married. He drew a comic in which her old boyfriend crashes the wedding and attempts to kidnap her, but is then defeated by Chris using Yu-Gi-Oh! cards and returned to her husband, who is inexplicably a Yu-Gi-Oh! monster.

In reality, Chris was not invited to the wedding, and the guy who in the comic attempts to kidnap her had long since forgotten about some girl he briefly dated in high school and couldn't care less about her upcoming wedding. The one who didn't forget about her was Chris. The one who couldn't let her go despite her never reciprocating his feelings was Chris. And the one she would have had to have been saved from, had he attended the wedding, is once again Chris.

13. Sweet, Pure Angelica.

One of the comic's endless supply of Sonic recolors is "Angelica". Left at the doorstep of a monastery and raised by nuns, she gets her flying powers directly from God, for which she shows her gratitude by having sex in the church with a Pokemon.

That dirty whore.

12. The Brown Note.

Chris' arch-nemesis is the polar opposite of himself. Well, actually, for that to be true, he would have to be intelligent, charming and attractive. In actuality he is the antithesis of what Chris thinks of himself. In other words: An evil gay guy who likes Xbox. And in the same way Chris has his ultimate attack, the "Curse-ye-ha-me-ha", which inflicts its victim with unreasonably bad luck (like causing the mall guard that tossed Chris out to have his wife leave him and take the house and kids), and which Chris has attempted to use on people in real life on several occasions, so does his enemy have an ultimate attack: The "Qee-fee-mea-mo-bo-bo", which unlike the "Curse-ye-ha-me-ha", doesn't delve out bad luck, but rather "humiliation". How does this work? When he attempted to destroy Chris with it, it was deflected back onto him, causing him to poop and piss his pants.

Yes, make him shit himself. That will stop his army of giant robots.

11. The Return Of "Pattie".

In one of the only displays of honest emotion not motivated by the prospect of personal gain in the comic, and maybe all of Chris' life, Chris revives his recently-deceased dog "Pattie" and sends her off to live in CWCville. Their heartfelt goodbye stops just short of them making out.

JEFF! OH MY GOD!

10. Chris Beats An Elderly Woman And Then Harasses A Handicapped Person... Oops, Wait, That's The Same Lady.

Chris finally confronts his archnemesis, Mary Lee Walsh, in a climactic final battle. During said battle, she explains her motivation for dedicating her life to preventing Chris from getting laid is that she is an old, ugly hag who no one could ever love (remember, this is a real person.) Then Chris and Sonichu beat her, paralyze her, and send the 60 year old handicapped woman to a maximum security prison.

Chris is so touched by her heartbreaking story that he forgives her for all her transgressions against him and lets her go beats the crap out of her.

9. Sexy Time With Shadow.

An evil, shape-shifting, hermaphrodite Rosechu (the female counterpart of the Sonichu breed) sets out to destroy Chris and co. How does she plan to do this? By transforming into each of the characters' significant others (everyone in "Sonichu" MUST have a girlfriend due to CWC's own fixation on finding one) and sleeping with them for no good reason. But her plan goes awry when she is impersonating Blachu to have gay sex with Bubbles-Rosechu and cannot replicate his electric attack which he uses on her for her sexual pleasure... Oh, by the way, according to Chris, this is a children's comic.

8. Chris Takes A Stand For Women's Rights... But Mostly For Himself...

In one particularly insane saga, the characters discover that they are being drawn as either gay or pre-op transgenders on 4Chan. The stupidity escalates when Rosechu posts naked pictures of herself on 4Chan ("4Cents-garbage" as it is named in the comic) to prove she is "all woman" in what has to be the most un-arousing case of fanservice in the history of webcomics, only to have a penis photoshopped onto her on the site. She then goes to confront the the owner of 4Chan. At this point it becomes evident that Chris does not realize that 4Chan and Encyclopedia Dramatica are not the same site, and that the person who wrote the article about him does not own either one. They go to the top of the 4Chan tower (haha... m00t wishes), where Satan himself is an employee, and after giving a long speech about forgiveness, implying that not trolling Chris is the will of God himself, she takes all her clothes off and beats him unconscious by shoving her vagina in his face.

Yes! Get naked and stick your vagina in his face! That will teach him not to objectify women!

Bonus Points:

  • This is all meant to be some kind of stand for women's lib.
  • The issue also includes detailed diagrams of the Sonichu reproductive system and explanation of their sexual habits.

7. The End Of 4Chan.org

Chris sets out to destroy the 4Chan tower by rocking out (seriously), which is even more hilarious because he does so with a "Guitar Hero" Wii-mote. Two of the main trolls escape, one of whom denounces trolling because he is straight (since trolling and heterosexuality are mutually exclusive), and leaves Clyde Cash and Jack, two of Chris' trolls, to their fate. The two choose to commit suicide rather than face the wrath of Chris (again, I'm serious). So the two hold hands and leap to their death, in a genuinely touching display that ironically could easily be used for advocating gay rights against persecution.

I swear, I actually choked up a bit when reading this part.

Bonus Points:

  • The building's collapse kills hundreds of innocent people whose only crime was working there. (I'm not speculating; Chris explains this.)

6. Black Street.

Sonichu meets a sick, black, homeless, drug-addicted, Jamaican war veteran living in a dumpster on the street. Sonichu calls the police.

5. Animal Abuse? Child Abuse? You Decide.

An egg, carrying yet another Sonic ripoff, lands in a dojo run by an Excel Saga ripoff, and hatches. The dojo owner's daughter is enraged by the infant's insolence of daring to be born in her father's presence, and challenges the literally seconds-old newborn to a fight. She proceeds to brutally rip off the baby's tail, at which point he evolves into an offensive, Asian racial stereotype version of Knuckles, and uses his spiked fist to punch her into outer space. The dojo owner rewards him for murdering his daughter by making him his student.

4. Special School Massacre.

The comic's main villain, an old school dean who once expelled Chris for good reason, is, in the comic, an evil witch who uses a brain-control ray to transform the inhabitants of CWCville into her slaves (read: mall guards). Chris explains to the audience that this ray only works on the "slow-in-mind". Hilarity ensues when you realize this means that whenever Sonichu and friends fight Mary Lee's minions, they are actually beating through wave after wave of the mentally handicapped.

Knuckles um, I mean Punchy CWCville's hero, beating up a group of helpless retards.

Bonus Points:

  • Since Chris is autistic, he himself should be susceptible to the ray's power.

3. Alec's Rape Extravaganza!

Christian transforms into his most Mary-Sueist of Mary-Sue versions, and goes off to fight Alec Benson Leary (one of the creators of the "Asperchu" parody) and save his spoofs of the Sonichu characters from a fate worse than death. I.E: having Asperger's Syndrome (which Chris hates... long story) with which Alec had "infected" them, as if it is some kind of venereal disease. Afterwards he saves an additional 4 ripoff characters of his own making, under the claim that Alec has been keeping them in his basement and raping them (in the case of one of them, to the point of death.)

2. The "Simonchu" Fiasco.

Chris had a lot of fights with trolls, but this is the one I personally found most amusing in its show of irony and hypocrisy on Chris' part. The story in short is that Chris stole a troll fan character, changed its gender, and refused to remove it from the comic. First because denying one of his characters of its girlfriend would be cruel, and then because he "could have come up with it himself" even though he didn't. He continued to refuse until the trolls began to hold CWCpedia hostage (which he still doesn't realize was intended to mock him) at which point he agreed to kill off the character, which he did with an exploding toilet. Only to have it immediately replaced by her identical clone daughter, who then executes her original creator after he is found guilty in a mock trial of not allowing Chris to steal his character and sentenced to death for it. The two week old girl drills off his arms and legs, then uses a drill to castrate him, and finally electrocutes him to death together with her father.

Bonus points:

  • He is also found guilty of trying to assassinate Chris by dropping a massive, hanging TV screen Chris was using to broadcast a speech. He aimed to do this by hanging off the ceiling "Mission Impossible" style, and cutting the steel chains with a pair of household scissors.
  • The chapter alternates in between the troll's unfair trial and Chris' mayoral speech in which he apologizes to them for his own wrongdoings. So we get to see Chris telling this person he is sorry for stealing his character, while he is simultaneously executing him for it.
The "Simonchu" Saga In A Nutshell.
Evan's brilliant plan
Evans plan.jpg
The plaintiff's initials being inscribed on the judge's stand is always a good sign you are about to have a fair trial
Cwc judge.jpg
GUILTY X4!!!!
Guilty 4x.jpg
All good reasons to kill a bunch of guys
Reasons to kill.jpg
THE END

1. I AM NOT HOMOPHOBIC!!! NOW WATCH ME KILL ALL THESE GAY PEOPLE!!!

Chris travels to the future to find out that his blood is the cure for homosexuality (stop laughing, there's more). He fight his nemesis, who is the opposite of himself, and therefore ultra-super-gay and also evil, and injects him with his blood, giving him AIDS curing him of gayness. Then he floods the world's water supply with the cure his blood and rids the world of homos.

Bonus points:

  • He cures gays in the present with a cure he got from the future, thereby destroying the thing for which the cure was created before it was made and creating a time paradox.
  • He somehow fills 50 Mack trucks with his own blood.
  • Despite curing all the homos (and asexuals, who he also hates for some reason) in a later chapter gays still exists and are being monitored by Chris and thrown in jail for being gay.
  • Since a vaccine is made out of a weakened or dead version of the virus, for Chris' blood to be the cure for gayness he would have to be the most gay person to have ever lived.
  • The comic ends with CWC commemorating his victory over trolls and gays (who are one and the same) by creating a new holiday: "Christian Love Day". Which ironically celebrates mass murder and genocide.

Author Biography

Chris' reaction to anything written about him on the internet.

What can I say about Chris Chan that has not already been said about terminal cancer? Well, for one thing, be it by miraculous recovery or the sweet release of death, the misery caused by cancer ends at some point. Whereas Christian's antics seem like they intend to continue for the rest of eternity. In October 2011 he was arrested for his second attempt at vehicular homicide against a video game shop owner who had banned him from the store three years beforehand, and who he (wrongly) believes is Jewish. In February 2012 he lost his virginity at the age of 30 after years of stalking and sexually harassing girls at the local mall (I have been told by a credible source that this was done with the help of a prostitute.) His behavior is so demented that things he has done that would have made any normal person a laughingstock for the rest of his life almost flew under the radar when he did it. "Encyclopedia Dramatica" spent years documenting his antics until they finally just gave up. His exploits also include denigrating the memory of 9/11 to mock a troll, shooting a youtube video in blackface, drinking his own semen, cheating at a contest intended for children, racism, misogyny, anti-Semitism, death threats, homophobia, crossdressing, sexual harassment, attempt at murder, and the list goes on and on (excuse me but I just can't add links anymore). At the moment he holds the place for second most hated webcomic artist ever, second only to Buckley, because everyone knows he has autism, whereas with Buckley, we can only assume.

This brings me to the main part of this section: His autism.

Many people think that all criticism of Christian is cruel due to his condition, and in part I agree. But it's important to remember he has mild autism. Leaked medical documents say that there isn't really that much wrong with him... Or at least there shouldn't be. So how do I explain all of this? Well, people often forget that those inflicted with these kinds of conditions are not identical clones that step off a factory conveyor belt. They each have their own personalities, and Christian's is the worst. His parents aren't helpful in that aspect, either. Let me put it this way: Have you ever seen the movie "Sling Blade"? Well, you should have. Do you remember the scene where Walter tells the psychiatrist how his parents kept him in the shed because "they didn't want him in the house with the rest of 'em"? This is sort of the same. Once they understood their child has autism, Bob and Barbara Chandler abandoned all expectations of him and resolved to just buy him whatever he wants and do whatever he wants as long as it will keep him out of their hair and thereby turning him into the selfish, ego-driven manchild that he is today. What I'm saying is this: People with autism can live normal lives. They can get jobs, get married, have kids. I am not saying it's easy, but with dedication and attention from the people around them, they can grow to be contributing members of society. Other autistics HATE Chris-chan. Many have made videos begging people not to get the wrong idea about them because of what Chris does. I honestly believe that had he not been born that way he may not have been so susceptible to being fooled by trolls or so quick to humiliate himself, but he would have still been the same awful person.

I feel sorry for Chris. I understand he can't control part of what he does, but that can't be his excuse for everything.

Conclusion

Do not read this comic.

Unless you are doing it purely for the spectacle of it you have nothing to gain from it. In any other comic, I would tell people to check it out only so you could learn what mistakes you should avoid. But in this case there is no point. There is not a single mistake here that you could not sidestep by using the most basic of common sense. What could you possibly learn from this? Don't draw yourself murdering people you dislike with super powers? Don't upload drawings of yourself having sex with a girl you are romantically pursuing onto troll sites? Don't use your real name when buying anal beads online? I think you can all figure these things on your own.

This comic tops the chart in every criteria this website uses to gauge the value of its review subjects. The worst art, most awful writing, most insane plot, biggest Mary-Sue characters ever, craziest and most insufferable author...

In short: This truly is the worst comic ever made. Yes, even worse than Billy the Heretic, atrocious as that was.

Update (August 2017)

To the shock of nearly everyone, Chris finally began updating Sonichu after being so broke that he begged people for money so that he could pay off his mother's crippling mortgage and credit card debt buy more toys. There's not much worth pointing out here except that Chris's decision to become a lesbian transwoman (because he hates men and thinks this will somehow expand his dating pool) has directly impacted the comic. And if you thought Chris's sexual confusion beforehand was bad for the comic - just you wait.

We finally catch up to the present, where the sonichu cast comes over to Chris's real life house, and Blake compliments Chris's boobs. Chris later retcons how he actually became a woman just after raiding the Asperpedia Compound. This raises a few contradictions:

  1. He was clearly a man for the remainder of Issue 10
  2. In the future he used his blood to make the "gay vaccine," which required a straight man's blood, yet he says that in the future he was a woman, and later identifies as a "transwoman lesbian."
  3. If he was a woman in the future, how did he trick Lovely Weather into having sex with him?

Also there's some ridiculous sideplot where Punchy gets a Bananosauros pokemon and forces it to have sex with a ditto.

Okay moving on to issue 12. The first half has Robee Sonee come to realize that he too is actually a woman and listening to CDs at night to hypnotize herself into physically becoming a woman (which is something Chris tried himself), with said CDs given by Magi-Chan (who was previously established as reading all minds in CWCville to stop gay activities). What's interesting is the ongoing discussion about "brute males" and how Robee, now Roberta, automatically hates the Y-Chromosome. I guess Chris thinks all lesbians are automatically man haters? Seems to be the case as far as the comic goes. Also all the other Sonichu children are "SLGBTQ" now apparently.

Finally we get to CWCville's first pride event (reminder: being gay was illegal in this town not long ago by Chris' own decree). More meandering bullshit, except that Chris is somehow the mother of a sonee and roseee. And not in the "I created sonichu so he calls me father" kind of way. I may have missed it somewhere, but according to the CWCki Chris impregnated himself in Sonichu form somehow. Note however that Sonichu and Rosechu's old babysitter Heather is the real caretaker for the two abominations, and how Chris barely takes care of them at all.

There's a mention where Chris acknowledges that the comic's new direction is creating a lot of plot consistencies, but he refuses to reboot the comic because that would be a betrayal of his characters (as in, he genuinely believes them to be real people, so he can't simply erase their pasts). So instead he has Chris bury the hatchet with Reldnahc, who is apparently still gay (I guess that confirms the theory that the gay vaccine didn't work at all), but Reldnahc joins up forces with Graduon. So I guess he was always evil. Just, not because he was gay.

Reldnahc tricks Chris into punching his real life brother Cole Smithy (who is now a Jerkop), then pulls him into some shadow realm. And Reldnahc, who I remind you has confirmed he's 100% gay, attempts to rape the female Chris-Chan Sonichu. I mean, I think that's what he's trying to say. His English is garbled enough, and like I said, it makes no sense for a gay guy to rape a woman, but it's the only conclusion I can draw. This is just.. yikes. I know Chris has compeltely mangled sexual consent before, but I think this is the first time rape has ever been used as a plot device. Goddamn.

Massive Chris-Chan Link Dump

Chris has about a million other, dead accounts on every website imaginable. I will not be adding links to them here. Find them on your own.

Articles

Parodies

We also have an interview with the artist.

All other parody works are not worth mentioning. I was also able to contact the creator of "Simonchu". He did not want to comment, but he did say that he did not keep any copies of it and doesn't know if anyone has.


More funny pictures from the comic I couldn't figure out how to work into the review

Other