|here in the "Reactions" section.|
|Original review author(s):||oddguy|
|Author:||Sezay "Aksika" Akiska|
|Start Date:||June 10, 2010|
|End Date:||The final panel is dated 2012|
|Genre:||S&M fantasy adventure?|
|Defining Flaw:||This webcomic is Collar 6 if it was drawn by someone with hooks for hands.|
In my opinion, webcomics that are published on free hosting sites are the lowest rung. They are not a priority. They are hardly worth reviewing, simply because they are all bad by definition. Anyone who is too lazy to figure out how to set up his own site for his webcomics will ALWAYS make a webcomic that is not worth reading. Free hosting sites epitomize all that is wrong with webcomics. They exists in varying levels of ugly and broken, providing the most incompetent of individuals with a landfill to dump their so called "webcomics" on.
"So oddguy, why ARE you reviewing this thing then?" you might ask in your high-pitched, girly voice. Well, it's because in the same way that I think that webomics on hosting sites represent the worst side of webcomics in general, this is the ultimate quintessential "free hosting site" webcomic in particular. It embodies in itself the most half-hearted attempt to make a webcomic, coupled with the most disproportionately grandiose expectations for reward I have ever seen. All this and an extra touch of crazy make this webcomic the perfect example of why I think Smackjeeves, The Duck, Keenspot and all other sites of this sort need to gather all their servers together in one place and run them over with a combine harvester. The only thing this webcomic lacks is Yaoi and it would be the most stereotypically bad webcomic you could come up with.
I hereby single handedly relieve the BWW of any obligations towards reviewing webcomics on hosting sites. They are all worthless to begin with, but this one is as worthless as worthless gets.
It was introduced to me by an internet friend of mine, after its creator exploded in anger at him and deleted all his comments off his DeviantArt page when he dared to tell him that his art was bad. And, seeing as how this webcomic recently wrapped its first "season," I figured this would be a perfect time to try and stop him from continuing to make his second one.
UPDATE: This webcomic is no longer on Smackjeeves. Understandably even they would be ashamed of hosting it.
Harvest was trash from day one. But Aksika's commitment to failure knows no bounds. There were two instances where Harvest amazingly found a way to become even worse.
I want to start with the second one first. Around page 180 (give or take a few), it suddenly starts raining, and the webcomic, which has up until then been virtually unreadable, becomes literally unreadable. The clusterfuck of an art style (if you can call it that) is the covered with an additional layer of ugly scribbles representing rain. And from then on there is a large chunk of strips that I could not even understand. And the introduction of two new characters who look the same did not soften the blow.
But, like I said, this is the second part where the webcomic collapses under the weight of its own stupidity. Imagine you are reading this thing and find it to be ugly, boring, bland, stupid and all around awful, aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand then you get to page 132. Yes, she is naked. And yes, she is tied up. Not that the webcomic did not have a sexual undertone throughout it up until that point. But, as long as it was not blatant porno, you could ignore the character's award winning pumpkin sized breasts, her unsettling tendency to find herself tied up and her inexplicable appearance in some of the chapter covers clad in S&M gear without a reason for it. But from that moment on, Harvest becomes flooded with gratuitous nudity and baffling incest bondage. Oh, did I forget to mention that? That is her sister. She captured her, stripped her naked, tied her up and used her powers as the sun goddess to set her own hand on fire and spank her with it... Some of you may have skimmed past this part without it registering. So let me say it again: She tied her naked sister up, then tortured and molested her for her own sexual pleasure. Those of you thinking of your own siblings at this moment and gagging uncontrollably: Congratulations. You are not sick perverts. For those of you who are feeling at all aroused by this (shame on you) and considering reading this webcomic: Please remember that it is also drawn like the artist was holding his pen in between his butt cheeks.
Story and Plot
Here is a summary of the first season's plot:
Alphonse is a thief who has a dream to change the world by occasionally complaining about how everything sucks. While fighting some people he stole from in an alley, a big-titted goddess comes out of nowhere and grants him magic powers for no reason so that he can beat up the people he stole from and who just want their shit back. This power allows him to transform his arm into a hideously deformed, overgrown crayon drawing that looks like someone injected a massive tumor with the content of a blue light stick. After this is over, he returns home to find his mother has been fired from the local whorehouse for being too old and they are about to lose the house. This hilarious overly melodramatic tone sadly does not persist, and his mother is soon kidnapped by a bunch of nameless guys with no motivation, one of whom looks like Major Armstrong from "Full Metal Alchemist" if he was drawn by a five year old (the hero's name being "Alphonse" is probably not an accident either). The whore goddess shows up again, lays out some exposition, explaining something about a caste system that made me suspect this guy has also been playing one of the Persona games, and sets him off on a quest to save his mother and the world.
He finds some place that looks suspiciously like the snake way from Dragon Ball Z. Then he fights a bunch of people with strange powers that remind me of Naruto. He is joined by a bunch of people with no personality or reason to help him. Then they go on some train in the rain and, as I already explained, I have no idea what happens for the next 40 or so pages. Finally they reach their destination, defeat the evil sun goddess (oops! spoiler alert!) and rescue Al's mother... aaaaaaaaaaaaaand she's also naked.
That is basically it for season one. A generic "hero's quest" story fucked up beyond belief, with elements of plagiarism and incest. I am skipping a few key plot points that I intend to address in the writing section. However, other than that, that is basically it.
I don't know what this person was thinking when he wrote this story, but I know what I was thinking when I was reading it:
"Please kill me, Please kill me, Please kill me, Please kill me, Please kill me…"
It's worse than Sonichu. I never though I would be typing those words, but here it is. This guy has no understanding of anatomy, perspective, color theory or anything else that is in any way related to drawing. As far as I can tell his creative process is this: He draws with a pen without sketching first, adds the line art on top of the pen with a permanent marker, supplements everything with the three or four crayons and colored pens that he has laying around the house (with which he does not even bother to color inside the lines) and tops everything off by filling in the speech bubbles with his horrible hand writing. And after he scans and posts it, he writes another journal about his dream to have a career in art.
At least Chris-chan bothered to buy more crayons when he ran out. At least Chris-chan superimposed the text onto his comics using large caps, comic sans and MS paint. AT LEAST CHRIS CHAN TRIED TO STAY INSIDE THE FUCKING LINES!!!
How do you do this?! How do you fail to compete with literally the worst webcomic artist that had ever existed? Better yet, how do you fail to compete with the worst webcomic artist that had ever existed and then talk about trying to become an artist! How!?
There are some parts in which I can't even understand what is going on! Look at this!! LOOK!
I will give money to anyone who is able to figure out what the hell is going on in that picture! Go ahead! I dare you!
I don't think I need to say anymore. The art speaks for itself, and what it says is:
Throughout this story I found myself constantly gripping my head and trying to understand who these people are, what they are doing, why they are doing it, where are they, where did they come from, where are they going, why are they going there, what fucking time period is this and why is that lady bound and gagged again.
My favorite moment in the story has to be this: The cast of heroes meet the evil sun deity who explains her evil plot. She tells them that because gods are not allowed to hurt mortals, she and the empress of the gods concocted a scheme wherein the sun goddess forgoes her divinity and incites other gods into attacking her without telling them she is now mortal. Thereby giving the empress an excuse to kill them for breaking the rules and leaving the two of them to rule the universe alone.
"Finally" I thought. Something in this webcomic that displays a single bit of logic. At that moment another character runs into frame and screams: "WHAT?! THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE!!"
What?! WHAT?! That is the only thing in the entire webcomic that DOES make any sense! And the fact that the character made this exclamation wasn't with them at the time, and came literally out of nowhere to make that announcement doesn't bother anyone. People off camera materializing out of the ether does not make anyone so much as bat an eye, but a completely logical plan? THAT does not make sense.
Sezay must live in some kind of bizarro world where up is down, good is bad and Gwen Stefani started making good music AFTER leaving No Doubt. And in that backwards universe, where horrible art is considered divine, his webcomic must be on par with the Sistine chapel.
While digging around I found some rather interesting journals written by Sezay that I would like to copy here in their entirety.
So in this one, with a helping hand from his friend Mr. Typo, he tells us about how he is a perverted, lazy, lying hypocrite who will beat you up if you tell him that he is a perverted, lazy, lying hypocrite. Can you say "Internet Tough Guy"? That is the gist of it, but I recommend reading the entire thing because... well, it's just funny.
And this one is entitled:
"Everyone, just SHUT THE FUCK UP!"
I don't need to make snide comments about this one. It speaks for itself.
Other than that he has a few more journals. Most of them are updates on his commission status, as if anyone would pay him money for this stuff. He also has a couple of "rants". One is about how all religion is a scam to get money, and another about how him having to refer to black people as "African Americans" is discrimination, nay! PERSECUTION against him!
The parts of his DA gallery that are not occupied by his horrible webcomic are flooded with god awful BDMS drawings. And finally, he has one more recent journal where he admits that his webcomic is massively flawed. Something I would hold to his credit had it not been for the fact he deletes negative comments made about it.
I didn't want to dig any deeper into his personal life. I have seen enough to know this person is an immature slob who's utter incompetence and aversion toward implementing effort shines through in his work with the force of a thousand burning suns.
Oh, and he mentions that he has another webcomic called "Crooked" somewhere that may or may not deal with religion. I have not been able to find it, but I bet it's really something.
Different people feel different ways about wanting the subject of their reviews to find the article about them. And although I usually could not care less, this time I would like to dedicate this section as a plea directed at the person who made the webcomic in question, just in case he ever finds this page.
You will never, ever, EVER be an artist. I saw one of your journals where you say that you were feeling down when you saw people who have been drawing less time than you but are infinitely better at it than you are. And I saw that you said you cheered up when you remembered that your father once told you that no matter what you do there will always be someone who is better than you at it and someone who is worse. Well, I am here to tell you that your father was wrong. There is no one worse than you. You are the worst.
My suggestion to you is that you deal with that fact and go find that retail job you so dread. And maybe eventually you will climb up the ranks and make something of yourself.
All of that aside, your webcomic sucks. Big time.
And one last thing. Here is a quote from one of the first few pages of the new season of this webcomic:
And his reply:
"How can that be?"... That's it. After spending two years and over 300 pages trying to save his mother, she dies within the first ten pages of the new season. And no one, not even her son, could give a shit.
This webcomic is beyond hope.
UPDATE: The author discontinued his webcomic in 2012. His artwork since that time finally did improve. Too bad he still continues with S&M subjects instead of widening his horizons.
MakarovJAC here, riding a flying chupacabra, making a ninja add-on: Dear brat, yes, that is you. I don't know what kind of artists your parents are. But if they couldn't tell you, or at least give you a hint, about what is necessary to be a GOOD artist then it's clear they're not good ones themselves. Or maybe your head was just stuck too far up your own ass to listen.
You suck at drawing. You suck at editorial structure. You suck at graphic SFX. And you suck at organization (and everything else already mentioned). Art is not about "feelings" or "making something you like" as those pansies all over the net like to bang on about. Since the beginning of time artists have had to be well versed in the knowledge and techniques of their chosen artistic medium to portray their message. NOBODY EVER learned it out of nowhere, like you seem to expect to be able to do.
Nobody in the world owes you anything. So it's not others' responsibility to like your shitty art. If you want people to like your art and stop telling you it's bad then you need to stop making bad art first. Either that or you better learn to like the taste of negative commentary, because that is all your current "work" is worth.
Have a nice day ranting about how you're go
od and how everybody else owes you something just for having being born. Good thing the world have a way of giving entitled bellends like yourself exactly what they deserve. Enjoy!