The Office Bitch
|Original review author:||oddguy|
|Webcomic name:||The Office Bitch|
|Author:||Arthur "PickleJuice13" Pearson|
|Start Date:||April 7, 2004|
|End Date:||The sites it's hosted on are either broken or dead so I can't tell when/if this thing has ended.|
|Genre:||Disgusting furry transformation and rape porn.|
|Defining Flaw:||It exists.|
|Art:||[no stars given]
Painfully terrible in both quality and content.
|Storyline:||[no stars given]
People get transformed into human/animal hybrids and then rape each other.
|Characters:||[no stars given]
The characters are: Guy who turns into a wolf and then rapes a guy who turns into a pig, guy who turns into a pig and is then raped by guy who turned into a wolf, and guy who turns into a dog and fucks an actual dog.
|Miscellaneous Details:||[no stars given]
Did I mention the rape?
|Overall:||[no stars given]
A perfect 0/5 score. Seriously, one star is usually the lowest score that we give, but in this case I feel that would be too generous in every category.
There is one well we have been going to a lot until it had finally run dry. That proverbial well was an old 2009 cracked.com article called "The 5 Circles of Baffling Web Comic Hell", which 9 out of the 10 webcomics mentioned in it we have reviewed ("Faithmouse" was too confusing and "After Eden" and the other comic mentioned alongside it might as well be the same one). However, there is one webcomic in that article that is not actually listed as one of the example and we have been struggling to review for years. That comic, the review for which you are about to read, had been brought up on our forum multiple times but never reviewed because no one could bare to read something quite so repulsive in order to write about it. Finally, with vomit spewing from between the fingers firmly covering my mouth, I was able to power through this abomination to bring you a review of the infamous "The Office Bitch".
(let it be known that I am not linking to anything out of principle)
There is no downfall because there is nowhere lower to go for the comic from the moment it started.
At the center of hell they read The Office Bitch and weep.
Story and Plot
I am going to completely forgo the writing section of this review because, as far as writing is concerned, there is nothing to review. The characters have no personality and the dialog is only a bridge connecting one depraved sexual act to the next. Like a low budget porno movie, The Office Bitch doesn't contain any of the fundamental, traditional elements that a story should contain beyond a deformed mockery of the concept of "writing". You, as in the person reading this, will be better served with a rundown of the plot from which you can deduce all you need to know about this comic's writing. One that I am going to write as best I can from memory because I refuse to read this thing again only to brush up on the finer points of non-consensual dog fucking.
The story begins when our protagonist, Toby, is called into his boss's office. His boss berates him for fucking up one of the company's accounts before asking him if he likes his tie. Here is where the shit hits the fan and splatters over everything as Toby looks down and realizes he is wearing a dog collar. Due to the magical collar, Toby loses the ability to refuse any order given to him and begins to transform into some sort of man-dog hybrid as his boss start stripping and molesting him. Toby is then lead out of the office on a leash and from then on everyone in the office (who all view this as normal) begin using Toby's situation to force him to do their bidding. This starts with making him fix coffee and do other people's office work, but soon evolves into rape. Pretty much everyone in the office soon begin taking Toby somewhere secluded so that they can tell him to suck their dick, a request to which Toby can not say no, not only because of his new dog status, but also because the transformation has left him uncontrollably horny. It seems the sexual fantasy of everyone is that office is to fuck human/canine chimera that has the body of a Labrador and the head of Walter from "Breaking Bad". Whenever Toby refuses to do anything he is threatened with being transformed further into a dog-like state.
But Toby soon turn the tables on everyone when he realizes that, he too, has the power to change people into animals. At that moment he goes on an insane rape-spree like Elliot Rodger if he was into bestiality. Toby, who is now not only a man-dog but also has a pair of tits and a vagina under his ballsack, goes around the office changing people into pigs and horses and then tries to fuck them, but is repeatedly disappointed when they grow the wrong set of sex organs. His rampage is abruptly ended when his boss rapes him back and promotes him for his good work to "Motivational Speaker". I put his job title in quotes because the job description of a motivational speaker at this company seems to be "A guy who goes around changing people into animals and then raping them". Which is exactly what Toby begins doing, changing his coworkers into cats, mice, worms and a hermaphrodite dragon that flies away.
After transforming and molesting everyone in the office, Toby is informed that he has done an exceptionally good job and, for reasons I don't remember but refuse to look up, falls into a coma. When he awakes, he regains his senses and is horrified by the amount of horse cum he's guzzled. He tries to escape, impeding his coworker's attempts to stop him by transforming and raping them, until he is confronted by his boss who explains to him that everything that has been going on is the result of an ancient curse that turns people into horny, furry, hermaphrodite Zoophiles which the company has been trying to use to cure nearsightedness.
After Toby is subdued by his boss (his attempt to rape his boss into submission having been unsuccessful), he promptly disappears and the story's focus moves to a new protagonist who's name I don't remember and am (again) too disgusted to try and look up. He is a new employee at the same company who is, like Toby, transformed into a dog person. His new supervisor, proving to be particularly unethical, takes him home with her so she can fuck him (rape and bestiality are one thing, but I draw the line at stealing office supply). Immediately upon entering, the new guy sniffs her dog's asshole and begins fantasizing about fucking it. While she's out of the room he accidentally opens a secret file that contains a copy of the curse that gives him super dog-fucking powers and he is able to overpower his supervisor by turning her too into an animal (I don't remember which one) and then torturing her by locking her in a room with a peephole and making her watch him rape her dog. This is torture not because it's her pet and she is horrified by what he is doing to the poor animal, but because watching some dude forcibly fuck her pet Collie is making her incredibly horny.
The new dog dude escapes with the dog (which I guess he takes with him because he plans to have his way with it again) and uses his enhanced curse powers to change some people back into humans, including the dog which turns out to be Toby. To seek revenge against the people who tried to get rid of him by permanently turning him into a dog, Toby turn's to his office's rival company in the field of mystical horse-blowing called "HELLO MACARONI". After Toby reaches an agreement with the company's boss by turning him into a bull and letting him fill his ass with a literal ocean of jizz from his minivan-sized cock, I was forced the stop reading when (thankfully) the insanely broken site (KeenSpot) refused to let me continue, as the "Next" and "Previous" buttons began leading to the wrong pages (even when trying to work my way back from the last page) and everything in between the pages I could still see could not be found for lack of an archive. After checking Arthut's personal site, to which this site indicated the comic had moved, I thanked whatever deity was guarding what is left of my sanity when I saw that it too was offline.
On a final note for this section, here are a few other scenes I remember from the comic but not their chronological placing within this synopsis: Scientists jerking off in the bathroom, some guy going out into the woods to rape a puma, the guy coming back and his friend transforming into a musclebound cougar the size of a house and them having sex, a woman changing a man to be the size of a dildo and then forcing him up her vagina, some naked chick turning into a donkey after having sex with a donkey, and Toby's former boss taking down the dragon he created by (you guessed it) raping it.
I am at a loss as to how I should review the art in this atrocity. The simplest way would be to just show you the sort of disgusting things that happen in this comic, but I simply DO NOT want to have any of it on the site. Even the pages that aren't sexual (and you'd be hard pressed to find any of those) have a drawing style that's creepy and unnerving. Everything in this comic is disturbing, right down to the protagonist's unsettling pedophile mustache. Luckily for me, somewhere near the start of the comic, "PickleJuice" was able to dig up some morsel of decency and, for a few pages, made a hilariously inept attempt to censor out the dicks. At first he did this by having a random piece of paper cover Toby's penis, that I had first mistook for having been accidentally stuck there after Toby finished fucking a stray ally dog, but then realized it was following him around. He then simply removed people's dick that were previously drawn, resulting in unintentional comedy as Toby gives a passionate blowjob to the air.
I figured that this single page was tame enough to upload to the site thanks to it being "censored", as well as being too hilarious not to let you guys see it. It's hard to review art without letting people see an example but, as I already stated, I don't want to link or put up any pictures of this comic so this one will have to do. I think it's enough to give people an idea of what the art looks like, and if not, just read the storyline section again and try to envision the kind art style that would mix seamlessly with this sort of story.
On a semi-related note, there is also a page where Toby sucks an invisible dick while simultaneously cupping a pair of invisible balls.
"The Office Bitch" is created by 43 year old Arthur Jeremy Pearson, AKA "The Intolerable Picklejuice", "Picklejuice13" and "The Peej". There isn't much to say about him besides the fact that he has a number of other creepy webcomics about people transforming into things against their will (one of which is some odd parody of "Calvin & Hobbs"), a number of social media accounts, he's been seemingly unemployed since '09, he got his nickname because he drinks the liquid out of pickle jars and his fursona is a sloth because (as he put it) "They are a rare species whose entire physical anatomy is geared toward living life upside-down".
But the truly bizarre thing is that he's surprisingly nice. He doesn't seem to interact with people much online, but when he does, he seems reasonable and cordial. If I were to compare him to the only two webcomics on this site that come close to being on the same level of perversion, I would have to say that Dave Cheung of "U.S. Angel Corps" is a giant prick that likes to jerk off to dead girls and "Dragonfly" of "Latex BLUE" is a pretentious douchebag that thinks drawing skunk dicks is a bold statement on the nature of sexuality. By contrast, Arthur's friendly demeanor juxtaposed to his comic makes me afraid that he's too nice. Like, "skin you alive and make your face into a lampshade" sort of nice. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe he's a giant asshole and I just didn't come across any of the proof (if he was I'd be relieved). To be honest, I didn't look too hard, in part because I was afraid of what I might find. But I gotta tell you, I'm looking at the kind of comics he makes and comparing it with his friendly disposition and the only known details about him that already sound like something a serial killer might say about himself, and I am terrified.
How do I describe The Office Bitch? What words do I have left to use to fully encompass its sheer, unbridled awfulness? I've already wasted "Abomination" on "Blade Bunny" and "Revolting" on the characters in the other "Jack". What now? I'll have to go all Shakespeare up in this bitch and start making up my own words just to illustrate how terrible it is. So, in that spirit, I'd like to say that "The Office Bitch" is an asstastrophe, a crapocalypses... a retardmageddon.
Sometimes I use the conclusion part of the review to sort of address the author of the comic I'm reviewing. This is done mostly as a joke, as I don't honestly expect most webcomic artists to actually take my advice to heart even if they do somehow find my review. But this time I can't imagine the kind of person that makes this sort of comic being reached by anything I say even for the sake of comedy. So instead, let me for a moment address Chris Crosby.
Delete the NC17 rating category from ComicGenesis that is shamefully hidden away somewhere on your site.
I know you've visited BWW in the past, and with our recent addition of one of your brother's stupid comics to our listing, I wouldn't be surprised to see one of you two here again. I pray to god that some combination of these factors will get you to somehow read this. Remove them. Remove every webcomic that is listed as NC17, preferably without notice, and hope that none of these sick fucks have kept a copy. You've already unknowingly done half the work when your hopelessly broken hosting service forced PickleJuice to leave when some glitch stopped him from updating ever again, now finish the job. Some years ago I checked the comics there while working on something I was writing and, although there are very few of them, every single one was almost as bad as the comic that I am reviewing right now. They had in their ranks titles like "Kit n' Kay Boodle" as well as several comics by Dumok, and every single one of them had some portion of inter-species rape. I wouldn't show these to someone just over 17. I wouldn't show them to a full-grown adult. I wouldn't show them to anyone who has eyes. Least of all "The Office Bitch".
I ain't linking nothing.