The Adventures of Kanira Baxter

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Original review author: oddguy
Webcomic name: The Adventures of Kanira Baxter
Author: Kate "BionicDance" Fahr
Start Date: July 2, 2009
End Date: January 2, 2011
Genre: Space Opera
Defining Flaw: It's a three-way tie between the dull writing, the go-nowhere plot, and the god-awful "art" that makes any chance of salvaging any of this impossible.

Rating Summary
Art: Wiki.png

"Kanira Baxter" takes lazy 3D model posing to a new low.

Storyline: Wiki.pngWiki.png

Bounty hunters in space... where have I heard that one before?

Characters: Wiki.png

Besides the lead no one has any character to speak of and the lead is the kind of character you can only speak of using a copious amount of expletives.

Miscellaneous Details: Wiki.pngWiki.png

The creator is a militant YouTube atheist. That should tell you everything you need to know.

Overall: Wiki.pngWiki.png

Who knew space adventures can be so boring?



Background

I looked into this comic after two unrelated people separately contacted me to draw my attention to it and asked my opinion/inform me of how bad it is. This is not the first time someone who knows me online has attempted to point me in the direction of a comic they don't like and go: "Get him boy!" like I am their internet attack dog. And when this happens I usually write it off as some sort of personal grudge and don't bother. But seeing as how two people felt the need to contact me, I figured this must actually be review worthy material. And so it was.


Downfall

The comic already starts off at a low point with one of the most unexciting action scenes I have ever seen. It looks like it was meant to set the tone for the rest of the comic as a fast-paced action/adventure, but manages to do the exact opposite and sets the tone as a boring exposition dump seasoned with outdated 80's slang.


Story and Plot

The cast consists of a lot of the same guy wearing different clothes and Kanira's dad looks like a woman with a mustache

I usually avoid giving a synopsis of the entire plot because I always feel that is a poor way to write a review. However, this time I am going to just go ahead and spoil the entire thing, start to finish, because that is really the best way to describe what is wrong with this comic.

So the comic starts with the spaceship "The White Knight" receiving a communicate regarding a hostage situation that needs their expertise as an extraction team. They go in, have a gunfight, rescue the hostages, and move on. Then they are requested to make a little detour and check on a small colony that hasn't been responding to the radio for a while. They land and find that the entire population has disappeared with no trace or explanation, and the colony itself has been infested with a strange algae... What a mystery! What happened to these people? Where did they go? Are they dead? Were they abducted? Will we ever find out? Nope.

A prisoner they picked up on the previous mission escapes, gets eaten by a giant crab, they discover virtually nothing about what had happened, and leave. On the way home, they find out that because the guy was killed they might not get paid, go to the person who commissioned the job, argue with him, and then go on vacation. There Kanira is propositioned by her old professor who tells her he will pay her to explore planets in between missions. He sends a science officer to join the crew whom they treat like shit for no reason, and then they go off on a mission to catch scavengers who steal discarded spaceships. On the way there Kanira bickers with her second in command, telling her she is open to criticism as long as no one ever disagrees with her in any way. This solidifies her image as a massive cunt. They spot some thieves trying to steal an abandoned ship and disable their engines. After the thieves refuse to surrender, Kanira gives the order to blow them the fuck up. The fact they are immobile and Kanira could have easily called the police matters not, because summary execution is a completely justifiable punishment for stealing scrap metal.

While they are in the space junkyard, they see an old ship that they recognize as a lost spacecraft that carried settlers meant to find a new home for humanity that went missing centuries ago. They board it and find a single, crazy survivor. Despite the plot's resemblance to the movie "Sphere" combined with about a dozen others, it is a pretty curious turn of events. Who is this person? Where did the rest of them go? What were the people of this ship doing for 300 years, cut off from all other human life? Will they ever find out? Will we ever know the truth.....? NOPE!

Kanira calls the space agency, argues with them about how she will be getting paid, and leaves. She is contacted by the man who didn't pay her for her first job, and he asks her to help save his girlfriend from kidnappers on another planet. She agrees and the crew flies there while laughing about what kind of sad loser would date that guy that they don't like. When they get there, they discover that both the hostages and the criminals have been eaten alive by alien plants, and contact their employer to break the news. How does Kanira do this? By mocking his grief and lashing out at him for getting angry at her for letting the person he loved die an excruciating death. But he screwed them out of some money, so he obviously deserves to be told to go fuck himself for showing emotion over the death of a loved one.

But when Kanira wasn't busy insulting people who are in mourning she also had time to discover a sentient, alien species that looks somewhat like giant, penis-shaped walking turnips that communicates through telepathy. She immediately abandons bounty-hunting to dedicate her life to continuing the exploration of one of the most important discoveries in human history and....... noooooooooooope!

She hops back on her spaceship and continues to the next mission. The crew go on to seek out a hidden criminal in an underwater space colony. While there they meet a woman who's sister has gone missing and volunteer to help locate her. Not much of a mystery but at least they can get to the bottom of this one... right?... RIGHT?!

Nope. The creator's computer broke and she couldn't be bothered to reinstall the program she was making the comic with so she just let it die.

I beg to differ.

I think you see the problem here yourself. The story builds up to an event that on its own could easily be a jump-off point to an entire new series, then just abandons it and moves on to the next chapter. While they are out stopping petty crimes they make earth-shattering discoveries and just ignore them. It's so moronic that it is almost funny.


Art review

20091121.jpg

Jesus fucking Christ. I am not the first person to think up the joke of putting the word "art" in quotes when talking about something that is really bad. Nor is this even the first review on this site to do so. However, there are few cases where this insult is more apt.

This really isn't art. All Kate has done is make a bunch of ugly 3D models and pose them, which is the worst possible way to make a comic and I would like to explain why. This is a problem shared by each and every one of the webcomics we have reviewed that use this method. Besides the fact that all these programs are completely amateurish (or perhaps just all of the artist's skills are sub-par; I wouldn't know because I never used one) and the models are just ugly, is the problem that these programs were not meant for making comics. Three dimensional software like this is made to make animation.

Here is the difference between animation and comics- Animation moves and drawings are meant to convey the illusion of movement (yes, I know 3D animation also only creates the illusion of movement, but you know what I mean). This is why this does not work. It will NEVER work. When you draw a drawing, you add action lines or blur it or SOMETHING to make it feel like it isn't inert. You can't just pose a bunch of stationary 3D models that look like store mannequins and take a picture! It doesn't work that way! That is why the action scenes in this comic are so unexciting, and no amount of "BOOM!" and "KA-POW!" splashed across the screen in big, comically colorful letters will convince me otherwise.

Besides the inherent flaws in using a 3D animation program to make a comic, this comic has its own ways of fucking it up even more. Firstly, by making all the models ugly and bug-eyed. Then pile onto that being too lazy to make most of the models distinct, and just adding different haircuts and facial hair to the same guy over and over instead. I sometimes say about comics that everyone has the same face, but in this case they really do just have THE SAME FACE because I think she is actually using THE SAME MODEL! I am not sure but I think she just takes the same guy and makes small changes to him... if any.

The end result is simply awful. I have seen bad art before but until now I have never seen art that makes me bored.


Writing review

Giant bug-eyes make everything better.

The word "Adventure" in this comic's title is a massive overstatement. It should be called "The Expositionary Verbal Diarrhea of Kanira Baxter", or "The Trite, Boring Conversations of Kanira Baxter", or "Petty Arguments IN SPACE!".

For all the reasons I have already explained in the art and plot section the comic is impossible to enjoy. In addition to those flaws there is also the problem that they never really DO anything. Most of the comic revolves around the characters laying out their motivations and talking about how they feel about science. The creator of this comic has a massive boner for science. She constantly whines about why aren't there any spaceships yet so she could explore outer space like she was promised by movies in her childhood. As a result Kanira has become her mouthpiece, deliberating her own feelings regarding space exploration in the most uninteresting way possible.

The story with Kanira is that she used to be in school to learn to be a scientist, but then dropped out to become a bounty-hunter so that she could do some good in the world. But because she wants to do good and bounty hunters are scum she only does rescue missions. She is the kind of morally-unambiguous character they used to make back in the day when everything was committee-designed to fit the desires of concerned mothers. The kind of character no one misses but immature adults clinging to their childhood. And Kanira's constant deliberating about research vs. fucking around in space is a parallel to Kate's own immature bitching about wanting to go to fucking Neptune.

There isn't anything inherently wrong with using your art to convey a point or discuss something that matters to you. But to do so you must abide by two rules. One, you must do it in a way someone would care about. And two, you must do it about a thing someone would care about. And NO ONE cares about one woman's juvenile wishes to fly a spaceship laid out in a tsunami of text.


Author biography

The creator of this comic is a lesbian YouTube atheist preacher who thinks she is oppressed not only for being gay but also for being left-handed, doesn't believe in God (but believes she once saw a spaceship), and thinks she has an IQ high enough to join MENSA. In other words she is the specialest little special snowflake to ever float down from heaven and melt upon the hard, hot surface of planet reality.

She is roughly 37 years old and doesn't seem to have a steady job to the point she once had to volunteer for medical experiments for money. Because what kind of woman nearing 40 has gainful employment? Why even do that when you can chill at home and make money off your YouTube partnership? On a comical note, one of the people who suggested this comic told me that she was a transvestite and I had no problem believing it. I just looked at her and went: "Welp, this is obviously a man in a dress". Only after a while did I realize it wasn't true.

Now, about her YouTube channel- We are not "The Bad YouTube Wiki" so I will keep this short. She has been making the same five or six videos over and over for the past six years. She has close to 900 videos but she bases all her arguments on only a few points, some of which, even as an atheist I can see are obviously wrong. That and the age old YouTube debating technique of "I am talking in an angry voice therefore I'm right". Those points she has been making over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over again for the past six years.

Occasionally she will also make response videos to another YouTube user which she calls "PWNAGE" videos in the most cringe-worthy way. Because what says "Internet Argument" better than smugly asserting your own victory before you had even started? In these she targets no one but complete idiots, obvious trolls and famous people who will never see her videos and reply. After all, why reach for anything but the lowest hanging fruit? Particularly the fruit hanging lower than her nuts used to (hahaha sorry I wrote that one when I thought she was a man).

But, like I said, we aren't "The Bad YouTube Wiki". All you need to know is that if you've seen one YouTube atheist you've seen them all. And if you've actually seen them all you are probably dead from excessive vomiting.


Conclusion

Tiny, tiny hands... Jacking-off must be a real chore for this guy.

The Adventures of Kanira Baxter is a miscarriage. Nothing about it is the least bit enjoyable. What parts of the action aren't ruined by the awful art are ruined by the fact no one cares about what is going on. What parts of the story aren't ruined by the fact the only character with a personality is an insufferable bitch (instead of commanding and virtuous like she is meant to come off) are ruined by the fact that every time the plot is nearing something interesting it abandons it to start a new chapter. What parts of the character's internal struggles aren't ruined by the walls of text by which they are delivered are ruined by the fact they are not interesting in the first place.

I would not recommend this comic to anyone I do not want to torture.


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