House Of LSD
|Original review author:||Forcedjapanesename|
|Webcomic name:||House of LSD (current host), House of LSD (previous host)|
|Author:||Jodi “J3T” Tong|
|Start Date:||April 9, 2009|
|Genre:||Furry adult pseudo-comedy|
|Defining Flaw:||Failed attempts at humor, shoddy art|
Like what Jay Naylor did in his early years.
Triplet sister porno stars want to make more money than they currently do, so they decide to rope in their sister to help them get better careers elsewhere.
The triplets are supposed to be the heroes, but they aren't exactly lovable.
Sabrina Online at least has better artwork and genuine humor, and makes no pretense of high art.
Perhaps suited for Naylor fans, but nothing here for anyone else.
In the wake of Naylor’s new
soapboxing platform webcomic, I looked through the Better Days archives and – lo and behold – I noticed, for the first time, an advertisement for another webcomic. My thoughts were something along the lines of “Damn, the Randroids are multiplying, our democracies are doomed!”
But luckily (more or less), it turned out to be your run-of-the-mill, cheesecake furry webcomic. Despite the name, the webcomic isn't about the psychotropic drug or the roadway in Chicago that runs along the shore of Lake Michigan.
Story and Plot
Well, maybe I was a bit too hasty in dismissing my sentiment about Randroid multiplication. Let me elaborate:
- Better Days had a late story arc in which a female secondary character becomes a porn actress,
bottomBFF Bonk has a comic in which the lead character works in a porn studio,
- in Shayla the Pink Mouse, a humble coffee shop is actually a front for a basement porn studio operation,
- and in Cats N Cameras, the titular camera shop is a mere front for a hidden basement porn studio where an underaged main cast character gets
Do you see a pattern? Yes? Good. Now you have three guesses each to figure out a) where the main cast of our feature webcomic works and b) what their specific jobs are.
What do you say? Porn studio and porn actresses? You must be Criss Angel. But you see, life as a whore isn’t as satisfying as you might think. No sir, our triplet sisters (lesbian fetish ahoy) don't get paid enough. What a crock. Luckily, their fourth, non-twin sister (more on that later), Raquel, is an artistic genius. That means she can be exploited. BLITHENESS! In an effort of parasitism, the triplets want to bind her logistically on them so they can cash in on her instead of, I dunno, asking their boss for a raise. Now, that's what I call sisterly love! It’s just lacking baby oil and some dildos. Anyway, our triplets are unfortunately incapable of finding a distributor, so genius sister must get things rollin’. Conveniently, she just happens to be friends with the junior owners of the huge Chinese media company “Xiongmao”. What a coincidence. After Raquel contacts them, they immediately travel to America in order to sign the contracts with a one week or less old start-up consisting of four people - like every CEO of a media empire in existence would do! But there’s a surprise. DUN DUN DUUUN. They are fans of the triplet, twins (what’s up with these twin stuff?) AND ethnic stereotypes. Until now, I thought they were supposed to be pandas, but considering this, they could also be armadillos. Of course, the biggest surprise is, naturally (attention fetishists), that the gal on the left isn’t actually a gal, but a boi, and a crossdressing fuckbait to boot.
There are two possibilities:
1) A few Replica Soldiers slipped the Point Man and Michael Becket.
2) Tong suffers from a new strain of the fatal condition known as Gallagheritis that is so severe, she’s not only unable to draw more than ONE FRIGGIN' FACE over and over again, but she’s also forced to make all her characters either siblings, twins, or gender-bendered clones. It’s urgent to inform the WHO of this - the world’s in DANGER.
Apart from that, it’s the standard animu program: scarcely (if ever) filled backgrounds, shoddily detailed shots of a person or groups (first panel each), and last but not least, these dreadful animu sorrow curtains and sweat drops. Jesus Christ, when will you wapanese hacks finally learn that stuff like that looks hideous and isn’t even usable for comedic effect.
Speaking of comedy…
Pardon me, but the humor - and I use this term in the loosest way thinkable - is dreariness incarnate. Period. The jokes are so flat, so boring, so repetitive, no hallucinogenic substance in the universe would be able to evoke a mere chuckle in a person reading HoLSD.
Here we can see how Tong tries to pull a laugh. Raquel reports something, triplets look flummoxed. Haha. Tong fails miserably. Why? Say, haven’t you seen this routine a million times before in equally numbered shapes and forms? Yeah, thought so. Using this further on should be dictated by common sense to be pointless and trite.
Speaking of trite, what would you consider this? Raquel spouts Nayloresque Wall Of Text and the triplets look baffled. Same structure, same result: Nothing, nada, nienté. And this goes on and on and on and on AND ON. AAARRGGHH.
…the version of HoLSD you currently have the pleasure to behold is actually a REBOOT. But hearken to the words of polyhistor Tong herself:
Remember, she states herself to be a porn artist and has a Naylor-like store for her porn. So, making a living out of porn is okay, but keeping the much more pornographic version of HoLSD is a big No-No because it’s a “distraction“ for her “artistic development”? Are you f***ing kidding me?! I saw your earlier comic Lang Lang, and you haven’t improved a tiny grain in your art over the course of a decade!
I think it’s about time to clear up who this Tong person is. Jodi “J3T” Tong is a 23-year-old woman of Chinese descent, but due to the fact that Naylor’s vile influence broke her self-esteem and volition, she considers herself a member of the "Chinese race" and finds herself constrained to state her sexual preference. See, Naylor needs that reassurance of his underlings because an actual homosexual in his presence would unnecessarily intensify his self-loathing caused by being gay himself.
Enough of Naylor’s enmeshments with Tong. She also claims to be mayor of the School of Visual Arts in NY… After having the privilege to gaze your art, I can firmly say: In your dreams.
Tong, listen carefully: I have a plan for your rescue! It will be dangerous, but I promise to pull you out of Naylor’s claws and sit you right in a plane to Asia! I know, his Klan henchmen are guarding your house, but some well-aimed rounds from an Uzi should distract them effectively…