Harvest

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Background
In my opinion, webcomics that are published on free hosting sites are the lowest rung. They are not a priority. They are hardly worth reviewing, simply because they are all bad by definition. Anyone who is too lazy to figure out how to set up his own site for his comics will ALWAYS make a comic that is not worth reading. Free hosting sites epitomize all that is wrong with webcomics. They exists in varying levels of ugly and broken, providing the most incompetent of individuals with a landfill to dump their so called "comics" on.

"So oddguy, why ARE you reviewing this thing then?" you might ask in your high-pitched, girly voice. Well, it's because in the same way that I think that webomics on hosting sites represent the worst side of webcomics in general, this comic is the ultimate quintessential "free hosting site" comic in particular. It embodies in itself the most half-hearted attempt to make a comic, coupled with the most disproportionately grandiose expectations for reward I have ever seen. All this and an extra touch of crazy make this comic the perfect example of why I think Smackjeeves, The Duck, Keenspot and all other sites of this sort need to gather all their servers together in one place and run them over with a combine harvester. The only thing this comic lacks is Yaoi and it would be the most stereotypically bad webcomic you could come up with.

I hereby single handedly relieve the BWW of any obligations towards reviewing webcomics on hosting sites. They are all worthless to begin with, but this one is as worthless as worthless gets.

It was introduced to me by an internet friend of mine, after it's creator exploded in anger at him and deleted all his comments off his DeviantArt page when he dared to tell him that his art was bad. And, seeing as how this comic recently wrapped it's first "season", I figured this would be a perfect time to try and stop him from continuing to make his second one.

Downfall
"Harvest" was trash from day one. But Aksika's commitment to failure knows no bounds. There were two instances where "Harvest" amazingly found a way to become even worse.

I want to start with the second one first. Around page 180 (give or take a few), it suddenly starts raining, and the comic, which has up until then been virtually unreadable, becomes literally unreadable. The clusterfuck of an art style (if you can call it that) is covered with an additional layer of ugly scribbles representing rain. And from then on there is a large chunk of comics that I could not even understand. And the introduction of two new characters who look the same did not soften the blow.

But, like I said, this is the second part where the comic collapses under the weight of it's own stupidity. Imagine you are reading this thing and find it to be ugly, boring, bland, stupid and all around awful, aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand then you get to page 132. Yes, she is naked. And yes, she is tied up. Not that the comic did not have a sexual undertone all throughout it up until that point. But, as long as it was not blatant porno, you could ignore the character's award winning pumpkin sized breasts, her unsettling tendency to find herself tied up and her inexplicable appearance in some of the chapter covers clad in S&M gear without a reason for it. But from that moment on"Harvest" becomes flooded with gratuitous nudity and baffling incest bondage. Oh, did I forget to mention that? That is her sister. She captured her, stripped her naked, tied her up and used her powers as the sun goddess the set her own hand on fire and spank her with it... Some of you may have skimmed past this part without it registering. So let me say it again: She tied her naked sister up, then tortured and molested her for her own sexual pleasure. Those of you thinking of your own siblings at this moment and gagging uncontrollably: Congratulations. You are not sick perverts. For those of you who are feeling at all aroused by this (shame on you) and considering reading this comic: Please remember that it is also drawn like the artists was holding his pen in between his butt cheeks.

Story and Plot
Here is a summary of the first season's plot:

Alphonse is a thief who has a dream to change the world by occasionally complaining about how everything sucks. While fighting some people he stole from in an ally, a big-titted goddess comes out of nowhere and grants him magic powers for no reason so that he can beat up the people he stole from and just want their shit back. This power allows him to transform his arm into a hideously deformed, overgrown crayon drawing that looks like someone injected a massive tumor with the content of a blue light stick. After this is over, he returns home to find his mother has been fired from the local whorehouse for being too old and they are about to lose the house. This hilarious overly melodramatic tone sadly does not persist, and his mother is soon kidnapped by a bunch of nameless guys with no motivation, one of whom looks like Major Armstrong from "Full Metal Alchemist" if he was drawn by a five year old (the hero's name being "Alphonse" is probably not an accident either). The whore goddess shows up again, lays out some exposition, explaining something about a caste system that made me suspect this guy has also been playing one of the Persona games, and sets him off on a quest to save his mother and the world.

He finds some place that looks suspiciously like the snake way from Dragon Ball Z. Then he fights a bunch of people with strange powers that remind me of Naruto. He is joined by a bunch of people with no personality or reason to help him. Then they go on some train in the rain and, as I already explained, I have no idea what happens for the next 40 or so pages. Finally they reach their destination, defeat the evil sun goddess (oops! spoiler alert!) and rescue Al's mother... aaaaaaaaaaaaaand she's also naked.

That is basically it for season one. A generic "hero's quest" story fucked up beyond belief, with elements of plagiarism and incest. I am skipping a few key plot points that I intend to address in the writing section. However, other than that, that is basically it.

I don't know what this person was thinking when he wrote this story, but I know what I was thinking when I was reading it:

"Please kill me, Please kill me, Please kill me, Please kill me, Please kill me…"

Art review
It's worse than Sonichu. I never though I would be typing those words, but here it is. This guy has no understanding of anatomy, perspective, color theory or anything else that is in any way related to drawing. As far as I can tell his creative process is this: He draws with a pen without sketching first, adds the line art on top of the pen with a permanent marker, supplements everything with the three or four crayons and colored pens that he has laying around the house (with which he does not even bother to color inside the lines) and tops everything off by filling in the speech bubbles with his horrible hand writing. And after he scans and posts it, he writes another journal about his dream to have a career in art.

At least Chris-chan bothered to buy more crayons when he ran out. At least Chris-chan superimposed the text onto his comics using large caps, comic sans and MS paint. AT LEAST CHRIS CHAN TRIED TO STAY INSIDE THE FUCKING LINES!!!

How do you do this?! How do you fail to compete with literally the worst webcomic artist that had ever existed? Better yet, how do you fail to compete with the worst webcomic artist that had ever existed and then talk about trying to become an artist! How!?

There are some parts in which I can't even understand what is going on! Look at this!! LOOK!

I will give money to anyone who is able to figure out what the hell is going on in that picture! Go ahead! I dare you!

I don't think I need to say anymore. The art speaks for itself, and what it says is:

"DURRRRRRRRRRRRRR".

Writing review


Throughout this story I found myself constantly gripping my head and trying to understand who these people are, what they are doing, why they are doing it, where are they, where did they come from, where are they going, why are they going there, what fucking time period is this and why is that lady bound and gagged again.

My favorite moment in the comic has to be this: The cast of heroes meet the evil sun deity who explains her evil plot. She tells them that because gods are not allowed to hurt mortals, she and the empress of the gods concocted a scheme wherein the sun goddess forgoes her divinity and incites other gods into attacking her without telling them she is now mortal. Thereby giving the empress an excuse to kill them for breaking the rules and leaving the two of them to rule the universe alone.

"Finally" I thought. Something in this comic that displays a single bit of logic. At that moment another character runs into frame and screams: "WHAT?! THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE!!"

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What?! WHAT?! That is the only thing in the entire comic that DOES make any sense! And the fact that the character made this exclamation wasn't with them at the time, and came literally out of nowhere to make that announcement doesn't bother anyone. People off camera materializing out of the ether does not make anyone so much as bat an eye, but a completely logical plan? THAT does not make sense.

Sezay must live in some kind of bizzaro world where up is down, good is bad and Gwen Stefani started making good music AFTER leaving No Doubt. And in that backwards universe, where horrible art is considered divine, his comic must be on par with the Sistine chapel.

Author biography
While digging around I found some rather interesting journals written by Sezay that I would like to copy here in their entirety.

"Well, here it is.. My name's Sezay. (Not shezay, not ceasar). My fav color's red, the color of fire, the color of blood, the color of passion and love....the color of anger ...all the strongest emotions... I have 1 dog, named bruno, and no siblings....My entire family except for mom and dad live far away, and they all hate us because they're rich, and we're poor....we're artists, and they're business people. I condemn a life of triviality, a life of meaninglessness, the "pre-packaged life". If you try to tellme hopw to live my life...you will be in a lot of pain... I am dangerous when I'm angry...you won't know that I'm angry until I hurt you. I don't like that about myself, that's just the way I am... I hate liars, but I lie... I hate slackers, but I am a slacker...I am profoundly disappointed with the way the world is, the state of relationships between humans.. I am not religious, I am spiritual, there is a difference. I love the martial arts, drawing comics, and BDSSM, and bondage. Don't jusdge me, I hate pretentious judgmental fuckheads who think they're right...who think they're better than me...just because they have more money than me, or better hair, or a girlfriend they fuck every night, or better clothes, parents that aren't drug addicts... a better home in a better neighborhood. I hate them. I hate girly girls who think they're too good for me...I hate people making fun of the fact that I haven't had a girlfriend ever. I am honest....I will tell you what I think...I can talk to girls just fine, but I am too shy to actually ask one out...I a virgin, obviously, straightedge, and I condemn a life of routine... I live in California and I hate it. It's a smog-filled, gang-filled shit hole. I want to draw for the rest of my life.. I don't care if I get famous, or end up living in an apartment the size of my bathroom....i just need to draw... I hate to say it.....but anger defines my life...I am angry...I hope to be happy one day..."

So in this one, with a helping hand from his friend Mr. Typo, he tells us about how he is a perverted, lazy, lying hypocrite who will beat you up if you tell him that he is a perverted, lazy, lying hypocrite. Can you say "Internet Tough Guy"? That is the gist of it, but I recommend reading the entire thing because... well, it's just funny.

And this one is entitled:

" Everyone, just SHUT THE FUCK UP! "

"I'm getting sick of this shit. What, you ask? I mean people telling me how to live my life. I got ANOTHER college lecture from my parents today, about how I have to go straight into it in the fall, and all that garbage. The thing is, I'm SICK of fucking school. I've waited all this time through high school, and I'm just now really taking to heart just how meaningless it is. Yeah, sure, I've talked about it a bunch, but i am just starting to ditch school recently, in the last less-than-a-month of my senior year! I don't even know if I want to do college at all, I'd think I'd go crazy...I'm done with school. DONE! FUCKL THAT SHIT. What i want to do in life is comics, obviously. You don't need college for that. Anything else I could study I have NO INTEREST IN WHATSOEVER, and thus it would be a waste of everyone's time and money as it is. But back to the original topic... people trying to shove their pompous "I do, in fact, know what's best for you" attitudes. People telling me the steps to a perfect life, exactly what i should so if I want to be "happy". Telling me what job I should get, what music I should listen to, what school I should go to, that there is NO FUCKING CHOICE about college, you're FUCKING GOING, telling me what I REALLY SHOULD BE DOING WITH MY LIFE RIGHT NOW, TELLING ME THAT I AM SO FUCKING BEHIND BECAUSE I HAVEN'T TAKEN THAT BULLSHIT SAT YET, BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE A LICENSE TO DRIVE, BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE A JOB, (make sure it's a shitty job, because if you don't have a shit job as your first one, you'll never learn all the valuable lessons, and you'll subsequently fail at life...), BECAUSE I DON'T NECESSARILY KNOW IF I WANT TO GO STRAIGHT INTO COLLEGE IF AT ALL, BECAUSE MY SOCIAL SKILLS ARE "LACKING", BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE A GIRLFRIEND, AM NOT GOING TO PROM, DON'T CARE ABOUT THE GRADUATION CEREMONY, DON'T GO TO PARTIES AND HANG OUT AT THE MALL, AND HAVE A "REAL TEENAGE LIFE".

....fuck you..."

I don't need to make snide comments about this one. It speaks for itself.

Other than that he has a few more journals. Most of them are updates on his commission status, as if anyone would pay him money for this stuff. He also has a couple of "rants". One is about how all religion is a scam to get money, and another about how him having to refer to black people as "African Americans" is discrimination, nay! PERSECUTION against him!

The parts of his DA gallery that are not occupied by his horrible comic are flooded with god awful BDMS drawings. And finally, he has one more recent journal where he admits that his comic is massively flawed. Something I would hold to his credit had it not been for the fact he deletes negative comments made about it.

I didn't want to dig any deeper into his personal life. I have seen enough to know this person is an immature slob who's utter incompetence and aversion toward implementing effort shines through in his work with the force of a thousand burning suns.

Oh, and he mentions that he has another comic called "Crooked" somewhere that may or may not deal with religion. I have not been able to find it, but I bet it's really something.

Conclusion
Different people feel different ways about wanting the subject of their reviews to find the article about them. And although I usually could not care less, this time I would like to dedicate this section as a plea directed at the person who made the comic in question, just in case he ever finds this page.

Dear "Aksika",

You will never, ever, EVER be an artist. I saw one of your journals where you say that you were feeling down when you saw people who have been drawing less time than you but are infinitely better at it than you are. And I saw that you said you cheered up when you remembered that your father once told you that no matter what you do there will always be someone who is better than you at it and someone who is worse. Well, I am here to tell you that your father was wrong. There is no one worse than you. You are the worst.

My suggestion to you is that you deal with that fact and go find that retail job you so dread. And maybe eventually you will climb up the ranks and make something of yourself.

All of that aside, your comic sucks.

And one last thing. Here is a quote from one of the first few pages of the new season of this comic:

"Some Guy: After Osaira killed your mom and attacked you, we brought you here...

... We believe something possessed her to do it."

And his reply:

"Alphonse: But how can that be?"

"How can that be?"... That's it. After spending two years and over 300 pages trying to save his mother, she dies within the first ten pages of the new comic. And no one, not even her son, could give a shit.

This comic is beyond hope.

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MakarovJAC here, riding a flying chupacabra, making a ninja add-on: Dear brat, yes, that is you. I don't know know what kind of artist your parents are. But if they couldn't tell you, or at least give you a hint, about what is necessary to be a GOOD artist then it's clear they're not good ones themselves. Or maybe your head was just stuck too far up your own ass to listen.

You suck at drawing. You suck at editorial structure. You suck at graphic SFX. And you suck at organization (and everything else already mentioned). Art is not about "feelings" or "making something you like" as those pansies all over the net like to bang on about. Since the beginning of time artists have had to be well versed in the knowledge and techniques of their chosen artistic medium to portray their message. NOBODY EVER learned it out of nowhere, like you seem to expect to be able to do.

Nobody in the world owes you anything. So it's not others responsibility to like your shitty art. If you want people to like your art and stop telling you it's bad then you need to stop making bad art first. Either that or you better learn to like the taste negative commentary, because that is all your current "work" is worth.

Have a nice day ranting about how you're go o d and how everybody else owes you something just for having being born. Good thing the world have a way of giving entitled bellends like yourself exactly what they deserve. Enjoy!

Links

 * His comic on SmackJeeves. - He stopped updating here.
 * His Devianart. - He kept going here.
 * His tumblr. - Because posting his horrible comic in two places was simply not enough.
 * His profile on a fine art site. - lol... "fine art"... sure.